A few days ago I wasn’t ok.
What started out as an anxious camp-out in my brain filled with all the worries one could possibly muster during this season of life, quickly created a perfect tsunami wave of bulldozing thoughts of self-doubt, grief, guilt, love-so much love, uncertainty and fear.
Ya ever have that soul cleansing cry, the one where your body feels it in every joint and muscle and then experience an emotional hangover for days after? Cool. Me too.
I’m a professional…bury-it-deeper, got-shit-to-do-no-time-for-self-care, protector of the heart, protector of my babies and my village, seeker of answers to all of the world’s what-if scenarios and a worrier.
That is, until my body and brain stopped me dead in my tracks with a smack in the face fatigue that I felt in my soul and that’s when I fell apart for a hot minute…spread out over a couple days.
Today, day 1 of the post emotional hangover days; I grounded myself with nature and honored the craving of waterfalls, a hike, sunshine and fresh air to help the internal repair process and self-forgiveness.
Grit played over like a broken record on the walk.
Grit: Courage and resolve; strength of character, perseverance and passion.
Not just a buzz word. Grit to me, in that moment of such overwhelm was breathing. Taking breaths to fill my lungs that were otherwise deflated from gentle sobs.
Grit to me is looking beyond the darkness into the horizon and believing in the magic behind the storm clouds.
Grit is fatigue, acknowledgement, honoring it and being ok to sit with it.
Grit is acknowledging and openly accepting unconditional love during a time that I felt unloveable.
Grit is not having a damn clue of what the future holds-pandemic or not, and all the what-if scenarios that surround it, but working through uncertainty by acknowledging it and agreeing to take it minute by minute when needed.
Grit is humbly asking for help, surrendering to the stubbornness and having faith that all the tomorrows to come will have something to teach me, something to test me and something to leave me filled with gratitude.
Grit is self-love, in all its messy glory.
Incase you didn’t know it, you matter and I’m
happy you’re here. 💚
Christine Fishman - Author 