1. Time is merely a judgement call, measured primarily by the sun and social norms that have all since crumbled. Being present, well trying to be, is my new norm and some days it’s damn hard.
2. The 5-step analogy of grief to describe this situation is bang on. Every step. Sometimes every day.
3. Self doubt is a bitch. This has been a common thread in my anxious life as far back as I can remember, but now, when we’re bombarding our social media and social standards with isolation and turning inward, I’ve found it to be tricky to silence that voice in my head-did I do enough, am I enough, I can’t possibly do this but I have to, while navigating the unknown-like Joe Exotic in a tiger cage with sardine oil covered shoes. See Netflix.
4. Guilt for having all the feelings when I’m not the one being asked to the front lines and I’m merely having to shelter in place is overwhelming. I am moved beyond words in thanks, admiration and gratitude to all my friends and family who are front line essential workers. I am going to unapologetically acknowledge that this is also one of the hardest things we will all ever (hopefully) go through in our lifetime and although some may view this perception as selfish, it is hard, and it gets to me some days. Please don’t mistake this for undermining the value and importance of those who are front line workers. Thank you is not enough, you are making a difference and we love you. Thank you also to those who are sheltering at home, working from home, teaching from home and navigating unchartered waters. I see you and I salute you all in an isolated solidarity. 💗
5. I consistently flow between being completely A-ok and full on panic mode. The grey in between is there, but I have to dig deep to find it. See number 3.
6. Mental exhaustion is real. I’m technically getting more sleep now than before, but I’m more exhausted than ever. Trauma, mourning, grief and uncertainty do nothing for dark eye circles and an anxious brain. Daytime naps have become a point of negotiation. So far, it’s a losing battle against an 8 & 5 yr old.
7. My ego, being a helper, some would even say a fixer has taken a blow. I can’t fix this alone, but doing anything together while isolating is too complicated for my tired brain to comprehend.
8. My idea of doing my part and taking care of those I care about is feeding them with food and love. My freezer is stocked with cooking and baking and the quarantine-15 is likely gonna be a reality up in here.
9 Patience is a test for me daily. In every. single. facet. Hurry up and wait is not something I have ever excelled at. See number 5.
10. Unconditional love and support can be found and expressed in other ways than physical interaction. I’m a hugger. This is hard, but thank goodness for technology.
11. Having answers for questions at the tip of our fingertips has made me so aware of how tech-convenient our society is which is a double edge sword when raising the next generation. Also, Siri can be quite smug and sarcastic and “Hey Google make fart noises” isn’t the catch phrase I wanted my 5 yr old to learn during a language arts lesson but hey, she knows how to Google, so she’ll be fine.
12. Wealth is not measured in dollars and cents. It’s collected in smilies and laughter from our children, self care, comfortable routines that are forgiving during hard days, chats with friends and family, in-home date nights and gratitude for the small things which are now the most important.
Please stay healthy and safe. It’s ok to feel however you are feeling right now. We are all in this together, let’s keep practicing physical distancing so the next time we can all be together, one of us isn’t missing.